Fame Audit: Michael Douglas

NAME: Michael John Douglas
AUDIT DATE: January 14, 2005
AGE: 53
OCCUPATION : Actor
EXPERIENCE: 31 films since 1982

Assessment

Apparently, no one else is going to say it, so we're going to say it: We miss Michael Keaton.*

We know Michael Keaton is actually readily available to us, starting this weekend in multiplexes across the nation, in the apparently-not-good and not-at-all- related-to- the-novel-of- the-same-name- by-Don-DeLillo thriller White Noise. But we want the old Michael Keaton: the Beetlejuice Michael Keaton. The underrated-actor Michael Keaton. The take-this-fanboys thwarter of expectations in Batman Michael Keaton.

Most of all, we'd like to know what halted his career so suddenly. You remember him, right? Big star at the dawn of the '90s? And it seems like just yesterday he was hot enough to be making showy appearances in hip, all-star-cast ensemble films like Jackie Brown. Or wink-wink cameos in slick, cred-heavy movies like Out of Sight. He could do everything! He was funny in Beetlejuice. He was grave in Batman. He surprised everyone with his stunning dramatic turn in Clean and Sober, that addiction drama no one saw but everyone heard was quite good.

And then -- what? Nada. He stars in a TV movie. He plays the President in First Daughter. He shows up in White Noise, an off-season thriller that looks better suited to Stephen Dorff or Craig Sheffer. (You know, like that weird film from a few years back, FearDotCom, a title that totally doesn't sound dated now.)

We’re always updated on the latest and greatest Hollywood entertainment news, but we’re still confused. Is this how Hollywood works? You star in one film about a guy named Jack Frost who comes back to life as a snowman, and suddenly all your friends abandon you? And, okay, maybe the clone movie wasn't such a hot idea. And the whole jut out the chest, squish in the chin, talk like Daffy Duck as a three-pack-a-day-smoker comedy routine got a bit tired right around Much Ado About Nothing or, as we like to call it, Much Ado About Nothing With A Special Appearance By Beetlejuice.

And, while we're on the topic, it's true that he's always had an air of jittery menace that undercut his everyguy appeal, which he exhibited so nicely in Night Shift and Gung Ho, but which eventually got subsumed. And he did always seem to fall through the cracks, a classic neither-here-nor-there star: not movie-idol handsome, not Oscar-winning good, not gut-busting funny. He was like the utility baseball player who's decent at a bunch of things but not possessed greatly of any one skill. He won't win a home-run crown, but he'll knock in eighty runs every year -- which for you non-baseball-fans out there, is a number of runs-batted-in that would make you the equivalent of the Michael Keaton of baseball.

And the Michael-Keaton-of-baseball isn't a damn bad thing to be. It's certainly not enough to get you exiled to Nowheresville. If Dennis Quaid can have a late-life renaissance, then, by gum, Michael Keaton can have one too. And if White Noise isn't the film, then we're sure it will start with his next big movie, which is...Herbie: Fully Loaded. Okay, the next big one after that.

Welcome back, Michael Keaton! We're rooting for your triumphant return...even if it comes while riding inside Herbie the Love Bug.

*Okay, at least one person did say it: Joe Queenan, in fact, in a GQ piece awhile back. The piece, however, did little to agitate the suddenly and strangely stagnant career of Michael Keaton, which proved to us that we were wrong about Joe Queenan being the most powerful man in Hollywood.

Assets

Liabilities

Fame Barometer

Current approximate level of fame: Edward James Olmos

Deserved approximate level of fame: Edward Norton






Fame Audit: Destiny’s Child

NAME: Destiny's Child (Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams)
AUDIT DATE: September 6, 2001
AGE: 60+ years of life experience!
OCCUPATION : R&B group
EXPERIENCE : Three albums since 1998

Assessment

Two years ago, the beloved early '90s R&B; girl group TLC released Fanmail, the highly anticipated followup to their multi-platinum 1994 album Crazysexycool. The neo-novelty single "No Scrubs" exploded onto the charts, followed by the grammatically inventive "Unpretty."

Surely, R&B; fans surmised, TLC's comeback was a roaring success. But then there was all that posturing from Left Eye, and a couple of missed performances, and rumours that they were going to break up, and the music industry abhors a vacuum, and Mathew Knowles is no fool, and suddenly there was a new R&B; girl group giving TLC a run for its AM radio money by whining about its bills.

Much as is the case with Jennifer Lopez, Destiny's Child's troops of publicists have, with cruel efficiency, forced the group into the public consciousness to a degree that is, by any reasonable measure, completely inappropriate given their artistic output. Three albums on, this commentator could hum a total of five Destiny's Child singles ("Bills, Bills, Bills," "Say My Name," "Independent Women Part I," "Survivor," and "Bootylicious"). Compare that to, say, the Spice Girls, whose first album yielded that many hits.

In fact, the legend of Destiny's Child is bigger, at this point, than any one single could be. Even those not intimately acquainted with the group's discography can converse with some authority about the revolving lineup of group members, the backstage machinations of Mathew Knowles (the group's manager and Beyoncé's father), and the Secondhand Rose-esque costumes designed by Beyoncé's mother, Tina. SNL's long-running Destiny's Child parody, Gemini's Twin -- in which Maya Rudolph and Ana Gasteyer portray GT's permanent members, with the third slot filled on a revolving basis by the show's various female guests hosts (including Charlize Theron and the aforementioned Lopez) -- is so artfully done that it's practically worthy of its own half-hour spinoff; when art met life and the real Destiny's Child appeared in a skit with Gemini's Twin, the DC divas sucked the air out of the place with the strain of appearing to be good sports. And yet...and yet, how has it happened that we, as a continent, even know enough about them in the first place for a parody of them to have any currency?

Because the thing is, if Left Eye had been on her meds at the time, the honour of recording the signature song for the Charlie's Angels soundtrack would have surely gone to TLC, or someone like them -- someone, say, who'd recorded more hit singles than the average human hand has fingers. But Destiny's Child never performed "Independent Women Part 1" without preening as though they'd been here all along, and had no compunction asserting that they "buy [their] own diamonds and [they] buy [their] own rings" -- quite a departure from their position just a year earlier, when they begged their anonymous boyfriends to "pay [their] bills" for them.

Mind you, it's probably a bit easier now for Beyoncé and company to pay their own bills. Why, there's the shameless and six-months-too-late Survivor rip-off: the album Survivor, the single of the same name, and the video featuring the ladies washing up on the shore of a deserted island and managing to...well, survive. There's the Target campaign. There's the L'Oréal campaign. There's that TRL summer tour. There's Beyoncé's gig hanging around the red carpet at various MTV events -- which is handy, because not a single entertainment-industry awards show can possibly go by without a Destiny's Child performance.

Given Destiny's Child's relentless ubiquity, we suppose they may be forgiven for believing that the world has embraced and memorized their entire catalogue of hits. Perhaps this commentator was the only one who found it extremely presumptuous for them to riff with a "Say My Name" parody when they presented the award for Breakthrough Female Performance at the most recent MTV Movie Awards, as though they were the goddamn Supremes cutely spoofing "Stop! In The Name Of Love." But Beyoncé is not Diana Ross, and the rest of Destiny's Child is not The Supremes, and as a result of their management team's daily challenge to find yet another new pretext to cram their exhausted carcasses into yet another trio of matching outfits and them prop them in front of yet another camera crew, Destiny's Child has been obscenely overexposed and are vastly more famous than they have any right to be.

Assets

Liabilities

Fame Barometer

Beyoncé's Current approximate level of fame: Jennifer Lopez

Beyoncé's Deserved approximate level of fame: Monica

Band's Current approximate level of fame: Spice Girls

Band's Deserved approximate level of fame: Blaque

But if you feel differently about Destiny’s Child, specifically Beyoncé', you’re not alone. You can check out Hollywood Insider’s breakdown of Beyonce’s iconic status in hollywood - along with many more articles on the latest and greatest scoop on celebrities and movies.






Driven

As the summer movie season approaches, the moviegoer is drenched with a profile of high octane, glamorous previews that simply demand our attention. The first entry into the pile is the new Sylvester Stallone film, 'Driven'. Upon seeing the trailers and teasers for this film I was wondering to myself, is this the movie that will open the summer blockbuster movie season of 2001? Usually, the crown for the opening film goes to a typical Hollywood blockbuster that practically smashes all competition at the box office. Yet, while 'Driven' possesses all the characteristics of a good old-fashioned summer blockbuster; i.e. bass-pounding music, great action sequences, women, loud, full and quick flashes, etc… (Fill characteristics according to action genre)…did I mention the women…it still fails to deliver on the level a summer film should deliver.

'Driven', which was scripted by Stallone himself, and focuses on the Cart Circuit of Professional racing. While first plans were made to go with the F1 Circuit, the producers of the film focused on the Cart Circuit, and the result is quite trivial at times. Surprisingly, Sly wrote himself as the lead supporting actor who must guide a troubled young driver onto the path of glory - does he succeed? If you are a movie fan, you already know the answer. As far as plot goes, the pacing of the movie simply revolves around filling screen time between each meticulously constructed, exquisitely shot race sequence.

Director Renny Harlin seems to convey the image that he wants to make a film that fans will remember as the definitive race film, yet, a filmmaker must remember that in order to make a great film, there must be some form of substance to remember it by. In no way am I 'knocking' the film in a condescending manner, yet so much work was put on the race scenes that by the CGI (computer generated imagery)-filled climactic race, the intelligent movie goer will think to themselves, "Why am I caring who wins?"

That Is not to say that it is a horrible film, if Harlin intended on simply making a collage of the most pulse-pounding race scenes roughly strung together for a two-hour piece, he has succeeded. The scenes are incredibly well done, yet those scenes in question are the race sequences. (Look for the great sequence when the young driver, played by Kip Pardue, steals a Cart car and Stallone chases him through the Ville Marie Tunnel. This scene brings a whole new meaning to the term 'unrealistic').

There are also solid attempts at working the tension between the characters, for example, the villainous driver Mo Brandenburg seems to be a weak rip-off of F1's Ferrari Champion Michael Schumacher, yet all this does not seem solid enough at crafting a good film that touches upon all facets required to make a great films. Furthermore, the women in this movie are completely useless. It seems as if these women were put in the film simply as an excuse for some previews to show a romantic side to the film. Truth is, every single woman in this film seems to be so conveniently placed within all these men's lives, that it seems completely ridiculous. One woman is a reporter, while the other the woman is torn between two men. What the movie cannot hide is that these women have absolutely no point being there except for an excuse of somewhat of a romantic plot-twist.

Therefore, has the summer movie season finally begun yet? No. 'Driven' manages to disappoint on many levels but delivers on what it sets out to do - it contains some great race scenes that are truly extraordinary. I wish I could say the same for the film, but unfortunately that is not the case.

Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of fantastic movies waiting to be watched. Check out this page for some truly binge-worthy films.






The Book of Eli

The New Year comes with some brand new movie and the year 2010 comes with the movie of impending doom, The book of Eli is in a post apocalyptic setting in which all of humanity is struggling to survive, pockets of humanity barely survive and the whole picture is very gruesome.

The main actor is the one and only Denzel Washington who plays the role of Eli, a 30+ year old man that lived throw the great apocalypse, suggested later as a nuclear war that decimated everything, him being a rarity since most of the “elders” died of radiation or the other dangers that now inhabit the new lands like: cannibals, raiders, new diseases, lack of clean water all around dangers.

As you can imagine the people that survived started to make new colonies but nothing was organized and clan wars were inevitable. One such clan was from a small town with the chieftain Gary Oldman playing the role of Carnegie, who himself was a survivor and had knowledge of the world before. He was bent on obtaining a book, calling it The Book, no one than The Bible, because he knew that the book contained powerful words that had always rounded up people for whatever cause the wielder desired. He believed having the book gave him the power to unite all the small pockets under his rule. Fortune has it that the book was in possession of Eli, who was traveling east with a certain purpose that wasn’t discussed at the beginning.

So in start you will see Eli traveling and fighting raiders with no certain purpose than just staying alive. The real action unfolded when he entered the town of Carnegie and one accident led to another and so on until they discovered he had the book they desired. Eli, bent on keeping the book to fulfill his purpose fought his way throw a series of pumped out action scenes.

I won’t spoil more of this movie but what i can tell you is that it’s a movie worth watching the acting is top notch and the post apocalyptic settings are really well done and contribute to the immersion in the whole picture. Also the plot takes very dramatic turns and you will be pleasantly surprised to see that the action is not linear and there is always a surprise set in motion by Eli.

The contribution of Denzel Washington was also very good since all focus is on him the entire movie and he plays his role very well, nothing less from an actor of his caliber. All in all I recommend this movie to everyone that wants more than an action movie since here they will find a very interesting story as well and solid acting alike.

Click here to see more post apocalyptic movie reviews.






Grand Theft Auto San Andreas

main | one | two | london | three | vice city | forum | contact

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not so current News

Free SubDomains

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Long time!

<19.09.03 - Matt>

   Long time, no update... Again! Unfortunately, GTA has taken a back-seat to lots of other stuff recently, so as you'd expect, the site hasn't been getting updated as much as it should be.
   Anyhow, I've added some quick and dirty Vice City cheats for the sake of keeping things quite complete. There's an old (unfinished) Vice City page lurking around somewhere that I started a while back, so I'll make an effort to get that finished. It'll be far more complete - and better looking - than the current temporary one!
   I also have a few new GTA and "NON-GTA" things in the pipeline, so as soon as I have some spare time, I'll work on those. I'm also looking for some new hosting, because the advertisements on here are getting silly...

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Updates...

<21.02.03 - Matt>

   Major appologies for the lack of updates boys and girls. I've been so busy over the last few months that I've not had more than a few spare minutes at a time to devote to the site.
   The good news, however, is that I'm working on an updated version of the site - one which should be far superior to this one. I'm trying to put most of my spare available time into getting it finished; keep your eyes peeled. A full section devoted to GTA: Vice City will be included. All the current sections will be getting a full overhaul, too.

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FREE GTA ringtones & logos!

<04.11.02 - Matt>

   Do you live in the UK? Do you have a Nokia phone? If so, you're in luck!
   We've hooked up with take2games.co.uk and yrmms.com to bring you some of the hottest GTA related mobile add-ons. And they're ALL 100% FREE!
   Check out the selection of sample graphics below. There are loads more to choose from, too. Available add-ons include screensavers, operator logos, MMS full colour graphics and even the GTA3 "pager" ringtone! (Click here to download the sample MP3...) The only drawback is the "one per person per day" rule...



   Click here and grab something for your phone today. This is likely to be a limited time offer so get what you want now before it's too late. If you don't want to recieve promotional messages/mail, please remember to tick the "opt-out" box...

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Update.

<10.10.02 - Matt>

   Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been so busy for the last couple of months that I haven't even had time to think about updating the site.
   Looking forward to the up-coming release of GTA:Vice, as I'm sure the rest of you are.


And a little Vice update...

<10.10.02 - Matt>

    I've managed to put together a brief list of release dates. See below... (If you have any others to add, please let me know!)
    The 27th of October is the earliest release date for the USA. Most American retailers should have it in stock by the 31st. Canadian retailers - as a whole - should have it on the shelves by the 28th.
    Us Brits will unfortunately have to wait until the 11th of November for its relase. This is the release date for ALL retailers in the country.
    Living in Australia? 30th of October at the earliest with other retailers settling for the 12th of November.
    A couple of others we've picked up are New Zealand, 24th of October and Germany, 8th of November. Europe as a whole should have it up for grabs by the 11th of November.
    I'll keep my eyes peeled for anymore news and I'll post it as I find it... Feel free to post in the forum. It takes a couple of seconds to load but its worth it. There is no need to register and its become quite popular over the last couple of months.

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Vice in a nutshell...

<09.06.02 - Matt>

   A little delayed, I know but I finally have a brief summary of GTA:Vice... here goes! Available only for the PS2 - released in the US on October 22nd. It is, according to Rockstar, an "entirely new game" which is "set in the '80s"... The location (unsurprisingly!) will be Vice City...
   This is not GTA4 - it is, technically, GTA:Miami - something GTA:UK reported on months ago, under a new name. It will be a spin-off of GTA3 and, as such, you'll need the GTA3 disk PLUS the GTA:Vice disk in order to play... Why didn't they make it a whole seperate game? We don't know - maybe they are trying to reflect the set-up they had with GTA:London. The next FULL game will be GTA4 - released in 2003.
   Looking at the box artwork it would be a fair guess that motorbikes will feature somewhere in the game - something left out of GTA3 due to potential problems with rendering.
   For now, that is all I have. I'll update if/when I find out anything new. Feel free to take up this topic on the messageboard. A seperate section for GTA4 and GTA:Vice will be added once I have enough info...


GTA3 PC cheats updated...

<09.06.02 - Matt>

    I've added a full list of *safe* GTA3 PC cheats to the appropriate section of the site - check them out...
   Further GTA3 PC cheats can be discussed on the forum - several threads on this topic are already running. Be sure to have a look - the forum requires no registration process, everyone can post immediatly...

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GTA Vice!

<28.05.02 - Matt>

   I know, its been ove a month since I updated... Luckily, some news has started to flow once again. GTA Vice has been confirmed for an October 2002 release. It will apparently be a spin off of GTA3 but (as recent reports have it) will only be available for the PS2.
   I'll update in full when I get more information together. For now, you can see the artwork from the box here courtest of G!

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Lack of updates...

<18.04.02 - Matt>

   Eek, I supposes I should apologise for the lack of updates. Unfortunatly, there seems to have been a serious lack of interesting GTA news recently. Visitors and feedback have also started to decline - hopefully things will pick up when GTA3 PC is released... :)


Fan mail...

<18.04.02 - Matt>

    Well, another piece of fanmail made its way into my inbox recently. I thought it was quite funny...
On Tue Apr 16 19:48:15 2002:
The following information was submitted.
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Name : Benny
Email : ybfie@hotmail.com
URL : http://hcnwrcu.ybyruv.com
Version : GTA3
Platform : PLaystation 2
Message : URE SITE IS CRAP!
I HOP HACKERS GET IT WAT A CRAP SITE!!
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IP address of sender: 213.1.161.83
    So, we all know who to blame when something happens to the site... Point the finger at Benny... Mind you, if his "hacking" is as bad as his spelling, I don't think I should be too worried! :P

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W00t!

<26.03.02 - Matt>

   Breaking and exclusive GTA3 news - right here, right now at GTA:UK!
   Thanks to Matt Sturtivant for letting me know that GTA3 is now available for pre-order at at HMV (in the UK) for an April 12th release date...
   Click here to take a look, then enter the site via the main page to place your order. The javascripting means that you can't order direct from an externally linked page...
   Get your ass over there an order your copy NOW! Another update will be online later tonight - be sure to check it out!

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Grrrrr!

<20.03.02 - Matt>

   Just typed a huge update. My stupid computer crashed and I lost it all. I cannot be bothered to type it all out again, so here is the news in a nutshell...
   The site can now be located at http://gtauk.vze.com - anyone linking to the site should continue using the Tripod address as it helps us keep tabs on our referers. The old URL is much more efficient, but the new one is easier to remember and I'm hoping it will stick in peoples minds better...
   I am also still waiting for a reply from Rockstar (see below) regarding GTA:Miami - I will keep you posted...
   Sorry about the lack of updates - GTA seems to be suffering a dry patch at the moment. Expect a cheat and tip update later in the week...
   Also, please DO NOT abuse the feedback forms - if people continue entering blank forms, submitting links to pay-per-reference porn, etc. then I will start a public database of all the information the form processing software collects (mainly IP numbers) and publish it to the site...

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GTA3 Updates (Oh, & a new logo!)

<12.03.02 - Matt>

   Some new stuff now available for your viewing pleasure in the GTA3 section. 60 screenshots and 16 wallpapers, to be precise...
   Also, I figured I could make a better job of the site logo. The old one wasn't as good as it could have been, so the new "Grafiti Style" logo was born! Hope you all aggree with my when I say its 100% better...


Miami Update...

<12.03.02 - Matt>

    After sending my lengthy, polite and indepth email to the lovely people at Rockstar yesterday, I am still waiting for a reply! Grrr!

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GTA:Miami

<11.03.02 - Matt>

    Fact or fiction? The GTA:Miami discussion continues. Here at GTA:UK however, we are *hoping* to put an end to the speculation!
    By the time this update goes live, an email will be winging its way to the lovely people over at Rockstar.
    Hopefully, if the Rockstar staff are as nice as their 16 player PC version of GTA3 would have it seem, we should have some answers within a couple of days.
    We'll be sure to keep you posted. Comments can be sent via the contact form or may be posted on the forum...

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GTA3 - New platform releases...

<10.03.02 - Matt>

   Schu at Gouranga has recently reported on an article from the April issue of PC Gamer.
"Rockstar quietly let the word slip a few weeks ago that GTA III was coming to the PC. A key feature will be support for 16-person multiplay, and the PC version will also sport better textures at a much nicer resolution. The mouse/keyboard setup will be instantly familiar to third-person-action fans, too. We're definitely looking forward to this one."
   It was accompanied by a screenshot, apparently from the PC version. This however, has been widely refered to as "fake" - most people believe it is simply a PS2 screenshot. Either way, it sounds like the GTA3 PC version is well on its way!
   April 17th is said to be the release date for GTA3 PC. Rockstar has yet to say. Either way, US and UK dates are sure to be different. Electronics Boutique (US) is now showing a May 29th release date for PC version (and an October 16th release for the GameBoy Advance version). Other sources are showing dates which include May 29th date for the PC version and October 1st as the release date for GBA.
   Another hot issue at the moment is GTA3 GameCube. We have heard nothing but rumours here - some unofficial sources claim to have proof that it WILL be launched shortly, but again, Rockstar have yet to comment.


A couple of changes...

<10.03.02 - Matt>

    A list of the cars in GTA3 have now been uploaded. A few cheats and tips have been added to the other sections, too. Feel free to submit any of your own tips and cheats using the forms provided.
    I've also removed the "Recent News" listings and "Random Links" sections from the top of this page. Reason one, the news links were a pain to update and screwed with the navigation. Reason two, the random links were slowing down the site, behaving in a totally un-random manner and sucking unnecessary bandwidth from the site.
    News is now displayed by topic. Each story is titled individually. Stories posted on different days are seperated by a dotted-line.

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Bugs Fixed...

<05.03.02 - Matt>

    Just finished fixing a couple of bugs. Mostly minor things, but stuff that needed to be done.
    The links page was forced out of shape by the Tripod.com banners. This has now been fixed. A "Submit Link" form is now also available.
    It would seem that the font "Trebuchant" isn't as universal as I thought. All references to this font have been removed.
    Slight forum formatting added. Looks much better than before and is easier to read and use.
    All feedback is very welcome. Feel free to use the forms provided. If anyone can recommend an alternative hosting company to Tripod, please let me know. The constant flow of visitors to the site is zapping the tiny amount of bandwidth allowance provided...

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Version 4.1 - Finally here!

<04.03.02 - Matt>

    Welcome to the new look GTA:UK... complete, online, alive and ready for action!
    After almost 2 months of work, I've managed to get it finished. Several changes were made during the process, each one setting me back further and further... The original date for release, Feb 1st 2002, was a total underestimate on my behalf!
    So, after all this time having to put up with the rather ugly looking previous layout, version 4.1 is finally here! Using a similar concept, the site retains its regular feel yet the general content has been totally transformed. Much of the old stuff has been replaced with loads of new tips and cheats.
    New features include: Feedback forms, cheat and tip submission forms, jump to zone and jump to top links in each section, new link database and format, much more content, new update interface, easier navigation, etc.
    The new forum is still being developed - its still functional but there is no formatting and previous messages are slightly corrupted. Its all cosmetic, nothing serious...
    I'm interested to hear your feedback about the new look site. Heck, you only need to fill out one of the contact forms to get in touch, so drop me a line and let me know what you think!
    I'll post a propper GTA related update in a couple of days once I've tweaked out any glitches!

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Disclaimer

We (g t a : u k) cannot (and will not) be held responsible for any negative effects to your computer, game or console (etc) after the addition of these cheats. To our knowledge, all are safe to use. You are using these cheats and tips of your own free will... If possible, we recommend you ALWAYS save a game, as a form of backup, before any cheats or tips are performed. Also, we do not guarentee that all cheats and tips work. Most are checked, but there are always some which slip the net. At the end of the day, your using your own judgement.

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g t a : u k - Version 4.0 © 2002 - Matt (grandtheftauto_uk@hotmail.com)


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